It was difficult to witness M, laying on the bathroom floor in his yellow Sponge Bob pajamas, having a seizure. I've never felt so helpless, so alone, so terrified. I've replayed the image in my head over and over. I can't make the image go away. I think the Sponge Bob pajamas he was wearing will serve as a constant visual reminder of today. I'd throw them out, but they are his favorite. Today he was given an orange and green stuffed mouse by the paramedics in the ambulance. I added it to the ever growing collection. Most of these lovies have some sort of connection to a hospital or illness. Most were acquired during hospital stays and ER visits and as part of post-surgical get well wishes. Frankly, there are far too many.
I am exhausted, but I am afraid to sleep. I am afraid to take my eyes and ears away from M.
Today Miss J asked me, "Mama, when God made M, do you think He just took random, leftover parts and just threw them together? Because M is a pretty mixed up kid if you ask me."
Do I tell her I have been wondering similar things myself?
No comments:
Post a Comment