Those days marked the lowest, darkest days of my life. And then....one of the most joyous.
It was the emergence of M's smile. He was six weeks old and that beautiful social smile had emerged right on time. Just exactly as the "What to Expect: The First Year" had said it should. It was angelic, pure and perfect. M's little body was weak and broken and hurting, but his soul and personality were shining through. It was I who could elicit that smile. He wasn't just smiling at me...he was smiling for me at a time when I most needed it. For the first time, I felt a true connection to my son, as though an invisible line had connected our hearts. A wave of love had washed over me and I wanted nothing more than to see that smile over and over again.
In those days when I felt I was in an endless ocean of black despair, that smile was a lighthouse safely guiding me home.
Finally, I could hope for light after darkness.